The Crossroads of Should and Must expresses an interesting outlook on the way we choose to live our lives. In short, the author broke down the decision making process into two components: "should" and "must", where "should" describes the path(s) that serve to satisfy the expectations of society, and "must" describes the path(s) that a person would naturally choose in virtue of his/her true self. Upon looking around one's environment, it becomes clear that societal pressure is the impetus behind the majority of the decisions that are made; the curious, creative, malleable minds of our youth are forced into a school system that stifles intellectual growth and replaces it with the ability to follow directions. As it happens, the old cliche "a slave to society" is perfectly accurate; we are trained to be employees from birth and, as a result, we lose sight of what we actually want out of our short time on Earth.
The first step in solving any problem is, of course, recognizing it. For those who have managed to extricate themselves from the fetters emplaced by this broken system, the problem is as clear as it is appalling. Most people, however, have known nothing different than the institutionalized sapping of potential that is the current standard, and are unlikely to become aware of it on their own. I speak from personal experience here. I despised the first eleven years of my school career, and, at that point, I didn't even know why. School was never a bad experience for me--I live in a moderate area, I have never been bullied or forced to face any other hardships of the sort, and I have liked nearly all of my teachers to one extent or another--I just never found any value in it. I would show up, sit down, be quiet, and have a humdrum, "one size fits all" curriculum shoved down my throat, which I was to spit back out in return for a grade. There was no room for my interests, no room for me. I'm just remembering as I'm typing this: I was obsessed with astronomy for several years. Every time I looked up at the stars I was transfixed by the vast expanse of space. I was content to lie there for hours, staring into the night sky and letting my mind wander. I was only a small child, but the mysteries of the universe fascinated me even then. I knew at least as much about the subject then as I do now. If asked, I could have described in detail the life cycle of a star, beginning with its birth in the heart of a nebula as gas eventually accumulated to form a body massive enough that the pressure within its core was sufficient for nuclear fusion to take place, all the way to its death resulting in the creation of a white dwarf, a neutron star, or perhaps a black hole, all depending on the star's mass, and I could have explained why those things happen the way that they do (though probably not to the degree that I could now in that respect). That is just one example. From stars and the relationships they have with their satellites, to various types of galaxies, to black holes and related phenomena such as quasars, to the macro arrangement of the visible universe (stars, solar systems, star systems, galaxies, galaxy clusters, etc.), I possessed a level of understanding parallel to the books and television programs from which I attained it, which is exactly my point. I took it upon myself to use my free time to look into what I found interesting; school was nothing more than an obstacle. I accrued a fair amount of knowledge, but the books and television shows that I had access to were necessarily "dumbed down" so as to be appealing to the general public. I wanted the real thing, but there was no way for me to get it on my own. One might say "well, a ten year old doesn't need access to high level science..." I have been confronted with that sort of foolishness before, and have but one counterargument: why put a cap on potential? Why discourage curiosity and scientific thinking? I have always loved science, and it seems that science class should have provided at least some sort of relief from the rest of school, but the introductory level science classes that I was placed in were, as arrogant as this sounds, far below the level that I desired. I understand that not everyone goes into, say, a junior high school general science class with the knowledge that I did, and I will admit that such classes do serve their purpose in introducing children to the scientific method and preparing them for more specialized, subject-specific classes in high school (though many concepts are often oversimplified, which is counterproductive). I have one gripe that I cannot rationalize, however: the lack of choices in selecting classes. In junior high school, everyone takes the same two science classes, with the same standardized curriculum; there is no possible way to further explore the subjects that one is interested in other than the approach that I took, which, like I said, has its limitations. With multiple subjects and AP classes, high school is much better, but still far from ideal. I didn't get to study astronomy in school at all until 9th grade, and it was a two-week-long unit at the end of the year... I have since expanded my horizons and now find nearly all of the sciences equally interesting, but that is beside the point. I wanted to pursue something in school, and I couldn't, because schools should have a standard state curriculum which they must strictly adhere to. This is only one class/subject, and my favorite one at that. Other classes were far worse. I observed the amount of value that school had to offer me, and invested effort proportionally. The result: I used my natural academic aptitude to skate through school with decent grades. I was eligible for honor roll and other academic awards every year, but I never attended the assemblies. I wasn't learning, at least not in the way that I wanted to, and I knew it. I was told that I should do well in school, so I did by the standards of those who were telling me, but I didn't excel to the degree that I could have because I didn't want to. I wasn't able to study what I wanted in the way that I wanted, so I didn't feel any internal drive to perform to the very best of my abilities. It wasn't a must for me.
This example was much lengthier than I intended, but I think it got my point across. I believe that most students have had a school experience similar to my own. Especially in high school, I have observed an overwhelming lack of effort, and it is very unsettling. People are not born without ambition, and definitely not without curiosity. Slackers don't care about school because being schooled rather than actually learning causes their will to learn to quickly diminish. This effect is difficult enough to reverse as it is, and when only a few teachers/administrators are making any real effort to change the system, the odds converge on zero. I consider myself lucky that my desire to learn wasn't snuffed out completely by school, given the circumstances. Even though, before this year, nearly all of my classes have followed the drudgerous "memorize, restate, and be graded accordingly" model that often marks the end of a learning life, I didn't completely succumb to a "should" existence. I still pulled out the interesting/beneficial material where I found it and learned as much as I could, getting adequate grades in the process. Over time, I developed into a perfectionist which provided an inherent boost to my school effort, but deep down inside, I still didn't care. I still felt like I was putting in the time and getting nothing in return, and I wasn't sure why. Finally, just this year, I was able to connect the dots with Dr. Preston's class, which brings me back to the beginning of the last paragraph. After being subjected to something for so many years, especially starting at a young age, it is difficult to view it in a different light. School is the biggest transmitter of "shoulds" that I've encountered, and I failed to see it for what it really is until I was exposed to people who are educated on the matter. Expert intervention is the only method I foresee being successful in rectifying this problem and pointing people towards living the lives that they must live rather than the lives that they should live. Dr. Preston is an anomaly--I'm not sure that there is another teacher like him alive. But that is not cause for concern; while it is ideal to have the necessary information incorporated in a course/curriculum as Dr. Preston has done, there are other means of attaining it. Articles, TED talks, etc.; there are other people seeking to get the same message out, and I've seen it done in some wonderfully innovative ways (like this fantastic remix that I found on last year's course blog).
The personal insight that I've shared throughout this essay should paint a decent picture of where I've walked in relation to the crossroads thus far, but just for the sake of clarity, I will restate it as directly as possible: for most of my life, I have fallen somewhere in between "should" and "must". I can recall doing things I didn't believe in, as well as giving up ideas that I knew were right, in order to avoid punishment. It makes me sick just thinking about it, but I can also remember a time when I would follow others in order to try and fit in with the norm--the exact opposite of what I strive for today. In these respects, I did what I should have done according to my authority figures and peers, respectively. On the other hand, I never let school, nor anything else, tame my natural curiosity. I question everything, never taking anything for granted simply "because it is". If I get a problem wrong on a test, for example, I am not content leaving it be. If I can't find my mistake, I ask the instructor what I did wrong, why it's wrong, and why the correct answer is correct. To me, the "why" is actually more importnat than the "what", which is why I don't do well in math classes that are taught on the basis of "this number goes here, that number goes there, and the answer just pops out". I need to know and understand the underlying concept in order to truly put it together. I invest my psychic energy into the things that are important to me, and brush aside the things that aren't. In this way, I have always done what I must in order to remain me. With that, I feel that any "should" stages have passed as I've matured, and I can say with confidence that this dichotomy is over. I plan to live my life as I must from this point forward, never conforming to societal whims.
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